I have to hold on to myself. Everything around me changes me in a way I don't like. The world makes me mean, it makes me cruel, small minded. But that's not who I am, that has never been me, and it never will.
My kindness, my principals, my empathy, my balance, I need to keep those. I want to be like that, I don't know how I'd live with myself if I turned into all I hated. I have to remember that like these things about me, and that's a rarity.
I thought I needed to grow up, let go of all those stupid ideas I had as a kid, let go of the way I saw humans. But no, no it's so important. I need to hold on to all of that. I think I have to hold on to my humanity loving nature, I have to keep all those parts of me, or the world will crush me and I will never be happy. I already don't like myself that much, I don't want to erase the parts I actually like.
I'm sorry for all my anger, it isn't me. It's a biproduct of the harsh reality we all live in. I don't like this world much, but I know the people in it are worth it in the end. I just get lost in the darkness sometimes. Sometimes it seems so much easier just to lash out, so much easier to hate them for all their flaws rather than accept them in all their dimensions.
Ugh. I'm a mess.