As I turned the pages of Crime & Punishment along, I came across Raskolnikov's friend again, who didn't make a remarkable impression on me the first time I read the book almost two years ago, but reading it back now, his introduction made me stop at once and was awed at how an outstanding character he is.
"Another thing striking about Razumihin, no failure distressed him, and it seemed as though no unfavourable circumstances could crush him. He could lodge anywhere, and bear the extremes of cold and hunger. He was very poor, and kept himself entirely on what he could earn by work of one sort or another. He knew of no end of resources by which to earn money. He spent one whole winter without lighting his stove, and used to declare that he liked it better, because one slept more soundly in the cold."
Though a very intelligent individual, he is rather a simpleton at times. But I thought to myself: This guy is brilliant.
I want his outlook on life.
The mind is a powerful thing and I know most of my struggles are just in my head, but reading his character suddenly unburdened a lot of weight from these dismal thoughts of mine, unearthing courage and bravery out into the open. The sombre clouds parted and through it slashed the rays of the sun, promising a light and bright tomorrow all because I changed how I want to think. As if by miracle, I was suddenly fueled with positivity.
So I attended another interview. This time, I was actually serious about it enough to prepare myself beforehand and finally get nervous.
I must also mention I was uncomfortable with the fact that Layla's boyfriend was there applying for the same job. It was a group interview on Zoom and he was the one engaged with the questions first. I've never seen the guy before because he and Layla have just been dating recently, but the bitch already told me so much about him and particularly gushed about how the "genius" smart-type he is. I'm already very familiar with Layla's propensities for exaggeration so I just thought "meh". She pointed out how he and I are so alike and if she's implying I'm genius-smart then I don't agree at all.
But.. the moment the guy started speaking, that's when I knew it was over for me and the rest of the applicants.
He was very fluent and articulate. I wouldn't say genius-smart (my standard for that is Sheldon Cooper) but the way he talked, he definitely sounded intelligent. Even the CEO and this other superior member were so impressed and said he was very well-spoken.
A girl from Brazil was interviewed next and I felt really inferior because they were citing all these previous jobs they had and volunteer work and I got nothing. My turn would be so brief because I don't have a lot to say. The only thing I could brag about is the number of languages I speak. My inexperienced arse felt so insecure and unqualified around all these candidates, so imagine my surprise when the CEO specifically said: "Wow, you are really fit for this position."
I couldn't believe my ears.
I guess I impressed her when I said I finished writing a book this year..
The really shitty one with Rollo.
Oh, you cunning little witch.. The follies you say to make ignominy sound admirable. If she only knew the content and substance of that erotica…
Oh, but it's all too laughable 😂
I'm not sure if they're gonna hire me but hopefully they will. I promise I'll show up this time and try to work hard. It's really convenient because it's a remote job and it pays well. The salary equals (or is even higher) to that of being a full-time office worker EXCEPT that, and I can't stress this out any further, you only have to work for 15 hours a week—anytime and anywhere you want, so it's absolutely perfect for a lazy person like me who wants to earn a lot in less time with no fixed schedule to comply.
But holy crap, I'm really glad I wrote The English Affair. It's not much but at least I can say I've written a novel and it's not a lie. I'll probably publish the last chapter here soon.
After the interview, I was so relieved of it being over and at the same time hyped up that it went well, leading me to tell Layla I wanted a three-way video call with her boyfriend whom I'm going to call "River" in this diary from now on. All my uncomfortable feelings for the guy, gone.
"So how did it go?" Layla asked excitedly since she was practically the one who told us about the company and how they are open for hirings.
"Bitch, he did so great! He was very eloquent and the CEO legit complimented him about it."
"Yes, she said he was very well-spoken. The moment he started speaking, it was over for all of us. He'll definitely get the job."
"Nahhhhh," River interjected. "The CEO said Bliss is fit for the job so they'll definitely hire her."
The prospect of being hired feels nice, but the fact that I have to work feels dreadful ..
I hope River and I both get it so when I'm having trouble with something, I could ask him for assistance.
A lot of me is Raskolnikov, but this is me trying to apply Razumihin's attitude.