,
its a scary world out there, mom. Without you...I'm almost glad you aren't here just because I can't imagine you being in this world, you...such a kind and gentle soul, exposed to this kind of horrific things. But I miss you so much, more than I let myself feel. Nothing will ever be the same without you...sometimes I feel like only my body is here, but I'm so lost, lost without you.
There are times when I allow to lose myself in the ocean full of emotions, like tonight. Other times it just hits me like a hurricane, sudden and hard...
I miss you with every part of my being...everything aches. I don't want it to stop though. It keeps me connected to you.
I wish to go back in time, to the day you died. Not because I would like to do something in a different way...'cuz it would mean that I talked to you, laughed with you,, less than 12 yours ago...whereas now....that number hit triple digits months ago.
I'm not as good of a person as you, and I do things that are stupid and reckless, so I don't want you to be proud of me. But I do hope that you are watching me from the high, and that there will come a day when we will see each other again.
I miss your voice and I'm terrified I'll forget it someday. That's my biggest fear...
, love you. -b