May 25, 2023


Dear No one,

I've tried communicating my fears to him, again. Although like always, he reassures me, yet why doesn't it ever feel enough?  Yes, his words calm me. It somehow subsided the storm inside me, but it never last long. Why can't I really trust him? There is always that feeling like he is secretly betraying me. I don't want those fears to come true but I can't get it out of my mind. I said to him that if ever he found someone else, please just say it to me immediately. He laugh it off as if it was ridiculous for me to say it. I sure damn well wasn't happy with how he responded, so I confronted him. I wasn't normally open about this emotion, heck I admit I am a very jealous, insecure, overthinker person. All of that I kept inside, but I am slowly slipping out lately. I have to say it or else it will further consume me. However, I couldn't get what I needed. Am I the problem? Or is it him and his words? I am never satisfied. All that I can think is he's just lying.

It really frustrates me that I couldn't trust him. Why? I'm so confused, and it's really getting heavy.