Cass ended things. I am so confused and hurt and lost. I want to crumble into myself.
I started typing everything out and just deleted it all. What's the point? She's gone.
God I miss her so much already.
Don't end up in the hospital again. You're better than that.
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
It doesn't matter why. It won't fix things or make things better. It'll just prolong the hurt.
I need to learn to fill my own cup and stop having others do it for me because then this happens.
I just want to be loved and cared for.
She's poly, why would she even - god it doesn't matter. Stop Jacob. Stop thinking. Just stop.
We don't need to end up in the hospital. We don't need to break mirrors off our car. We don't need to put our fist through our monitor. We can learn to deal with the pain of life without completely imploding.
Wish her well, let her go, and move on. Be an adult, be mature, be better than your old self.
She used to shake when I touched her. I hope she doesn't shake anymore with them. I hope she can spend the night. I hope she finds peace. I hope I do too.
I'd give anything to make this pain stop. She never knew how much she meant to me and she never will.