Dear Diary,
There are few good things too to tell today, but i tjink its more important to tell you the bad ones as always 😅
I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed, the work here is kind if sinking me in. At kiot also i used to work on weekends, but here i am looking forward to working on weekend as a means to unload some pressure for the whole week ahead (and i wont be able to do it even then).
I got my visa for London(it has always been a big dream) but there is so little time, i havent even checked the itenary yet. There no excitement of going actually.
Last few weeks i have been working tirelessly, since i wake up to 3 o clk in night, yet i haven’t achieved anything actually. No apreciable work.
I feel soooo, like a dumb guy, A slow guy.
I know this negative talk isnt going to help me, but let me add few more things for atleast a few more minutes.
I feel like, i was living some lies all this while, i used to tjink i was smart, maybe i am not, or maybe i am just not connecting with this product at all. But at tines this is also not about the product, i don’t come up with good ideas even for generic thungs.
One thing is, navid keeps torturing me, but i have decided to leave that battle, i have decided to change the team. I dont know if i would call that a defeat, but it seems like i cannot and do not want to fight with him anymore.
Everyone else are so fast, then why am i slow, i dint know, i know meshack is slow too, but meshack is nit that experienced,but i am a senior. I am supposed to do better but i am not.
My years of kniwledge, all the experience i had at kiot, nothing is being used here, i dont know if thats a good thing that i m learning . Different thing here or a bad thing that i will forget mostly everything i learnt at kiot. I definitely dint feel good about forgetting everything.
Besides let me make a point here, what is it that i am learning here-
1. Think before talking
2. Dont talk in air, to show that you know something
3. Difficult things are just difficult not impossible, i have a tendency if just discarding difficult ideas, but people here really pick those and fix those to improve the product.
4. Listen proactively and talk sense based on that
Mostly its just the way i am communicating, and often times its affected because i feel under pressure, and i feel under pressure because i have been slow, i have been slow because i hve tried to do too many rhings at once, and i hve trued that because i was under pressure. I need to brewk this cycle and not feel under pressure (but its not simple, i know) Do things one by one and dont try to prove anything to anybody.
Take time out for myself.
I dint like saying it at all, and i hope that my opinion changes about it in future, so i don’t carry this with me, but today i think most of this stress is from navid.
Another thing, from tmrw onwards i’ll not try to do multiple things at a time and write time cycles of every task, be more conscious.
Goodnight 🙃