Me and my demons

 

  • emotionally distant mother
  • physically abused by cold and rigid father
  • being cheated several times in a row
  • cheated once, couldn't live with that fact so I broke up next morning
  • traumas related to sudden loss of close friend due to car accident and friend`s suicide
  • feeling anxiety about being abandoned by others, fear of rejection
  • build up walls and defence mechanisms that might make it more difficult to engage into relationships
  • when meeting new people, especially when I like someone, I distract myself by going into serial dating to make sure my thoughts don't get too focused on one person
  • when I sense I might get hurt, I would relieve stress through sex hook-ups


Me now


Until recently (late 2022)
  • tried sex without emotions but it didn't worked
  • tried group fun but it was far from what I expected
  • tried making a small group of close gay friends but got disappointed, as it was not much about friendship but more about enviousness and competition

From March 2023
  • decided not to have sex with strangers, no one-night-stands
  • not exchanging or accepting xxx pics
  • not looking for fuck buddy [tried, never worked]
  • putting more focus on your inner beauty instead of your outer beauty [ chances that we match on the attraction level are much higher then on the personality level, so why starting with less important aspect of you and loose your/my time?]


....to be continued



My future

I will not talk or disclose my future plans publicly. Thank you for understanding.





Loading...
Comments