Me and my demons

• emotionally distant mother
• physically abused by cold and rigid father
• being cheated several times in a row
• cheated once, couldn't live with that fact so I broke up next morning
• traumas related to sudden loss of close friend due to car accident and friend`s suicide
• feeling anxiety about being abandoned by others, fear of rejection
• build up walls and defence mechanisms that might make it more difficult to engage into relationships

• when meeting new people, especially when I like someone, I distract myself by going into serial dating to make sure my thoughts don't get too focused on one person
• when I sense I might get hurt, I would relieve stress through sex hook-ups

Me now

Until recently (late 2022)

• tried sex without emotions but it didn't worked
• tried group fun but it was far from what I expected
• tried making a small group of close gay friends but got disappointed, as it was not much about friendship but more about enviousness and competition

From March 2023

• decided not to have sex with strangers, no one-night-stands
• not exchanging or accepting xxx pics
• not looking for fuck buddy [tried, never worked]
• putting more focus on your inner beauty instead of your outer beauty [ chances that we match on the attraction level are much higher then on the personality level, so why starting with less important aspect of you and loose your/my time?]

....to be continued

My future

I will not talk or disclose my future plans publicly. Thank you for understanding.