March 13, 2023

Trigger Warning for anyone who struggles with thoughts of suicide……

I was on my way to work today after my lunch break and while I was driving I had a sudden thought, “I should kms.” I would never do that and the reason I would never do that is because I have two kids. However, I am not really sure why I thought that. I’m not exceptionally sad or depressed but at the same time I just feel tired of living in this stagnant life. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just going through the motions. Nothing makes me feel alive anymore. It is a good day today. The sun is out, the air is not cold but rather refreshing and yet I still feel like I would just like it to end. I want my time to end… I feel ok, like I said not sad, not angry, but I feel content. I have a good job, a good boyfriend, I love my kids, I have a wonderful boss, I own my own home and my own vehicle, I have three wonderful dogs and a cat that I all love very much, but I just don’t feel like I have a purpose on this earth anymore. People die everyday , what difference is it gonna make?? I guess I’m a little sad that I feel that way because I know my soul deserves to be happy but yet I don’t want to. It’s like I’m living with two different people inside and idk which one to hang onto anymore.