Dear Diary,
I don't want to be 20 sm in still in my head at about 11 in the bedroom talking to my mom. I'm so tired of lying here and remembering the times that she was nice and good. When all she's done is hurt I miss her more than words describe. Something a lot of people will never understand. It hurts I've been in constant pain of missing someone who was a part of me. Or supposed to be about in the way the mothers were. I don't understand how I can just get over it someone who is supposed to be there forever and ever and ever left me willingly. I get she was going through a lot but I was the kid. How do I move on? I just don't know how anymore and I'm so tired of trying. I want my mom. Does that ever go away? How do I fix it. I just want to feel better I just want to get better. My mom was beautiful and dangerous. A combination of me. She was gorgeous and sweet and kind when she wanted to be. But she had a temper she would go off on me. Screaming and screaming. Yet all I can remember when I'm sad is when she was good. When she made me feel loved and wanted. Do you ever really get over abandonment? Does it ever get easier? I just want to be better. I have friends now who have moms who are loving and care about them. That's all I ever wanted I know that my stepmom has been my mom for a long time. But she'll never be MY mom. What is she doing now my mom and all raising my little sister yeah that hurts a little bit. how am I jealous of a baby sister. She's not even five. But what was so bad about me why couldn't I be raised why me why did she leave me? I don't think I'll ever know but I hate her right now. And I hope that she's happy.
You're a b**** mom