March 07, 2023

Dear Diary,

So today in Psychology we were talking about the development of a child’s mind and how much things can affect it and what the long term effects are. And one of these things that we talked about was abuse. And it triggered my anxiety for some reason. I don’t know why. It was scary how triggering it was. Like my heart is still beating fast from it and it’s been almost an hour since we were talking about it. At one point I had to leave the room because I was panicking. But it’s not like we even went super in depth about abuse. We just briefly went over it and then mainly talked about the long term effects of it. But yeah, so my day isn’t going to great. Plus I still have almost an hour of school left so who knows what’s going to happen now. I am just ready to go home now.

 So I just started think about everything and was following my therapist’s instructions about my panic attacks. And I was trying to think about why was I scared and panicking. And I think it was because I could see many of the effects of abuse and childhood trauma in myself. I could see how everything just kinda lined up and feel into place. I know that when I started therapy almost a year ago that she thought it was possible that I had/have separation anxiety, especially as a child. And I’m starting to wonder if I did and why I would have had separation anxiety. Like I wonder if something happened or something else like that.