January 21, 2023


Dear Diary,

I ended up asking about the bracelets. Turns out I was right about it, it only showed hers was connected because it was close enough to her phone to connect.

The day I asked her she was quite hostile towards me, I guess she was upset with me because all the fighting I did when we argued about her decision to split. I don't blame her but at the same time I don't know how she could expect a better response from me, how am I supposed to react or respond to breaking up. 

I can't just be like "yeah I understand, thats fair" because it wasn't in my eyes. She expects me to have my whole life together literally 7 months after graduation. She can think whatever she wants, I can't change her mind but I also can't sit back and just nod my head as if I agree.

I spiraled in our break up conversations, I just- idk. Usually I'm a calm and reserved individual but I just couldn't keep my shit together when I lost her and because of it she never wants to talk to me again. It sucks because all I can do is think about her, if she's okay, if our break up even bothers her, if her family is being harsh on her, and if she still thinks about me. Her bracelet is connected simply because its close enough to her phone but every day I repeatedly check its battery because these are the last times it'll ever be connected again. 

Every connection we have left is one I'm constantly checking. During our relationship we had many matching names for games, social platforms, and apps we had certain connections through. Over the past 3 weeks they've been disappearing 1 by 1, almost each day she cut ties on one or several things that we shared. Now there is just a few left and I keep checking to see if its still the same, I just can't let go. I know its only been 3 weeks but she seems so fine with everything and it makes me feel like a loser trying to savor whats left of us while she lives life as if we never happened.