December 27, 2022 I can't trust myself

Dear Diary, I'm tired. Really tired. Why I become so weak during the night? My mind is so strong but not my heart. Even though my heart broken into million pieces. It's still a heart. I want to become a person with no heart but I can't able to do it. That's not me. I can't stop my heart!! It's just so kind, warm, and so pathetic. I'm missing the old me. Nothing stays forever. That fact keeps killing me. Why my heart keeps thinking about the one who broke my heart. It's not like I'm alone and I want someone to fill up my space... my space is already filled.. I can't replace it. Maybe it need somemore painful things to get rid of those struck in my heart. It's like I'm struck with a knife inside my heart which tears me out slowly.. slow pain is very cruel... I want to break things. But I can't... The word "I can't" makes me more angrier and anxious.. I want to sleep. Like I want a peaceful sleep. I'm sick of the people. People's laugh makes me angrier. I don't wanna hear that... I'm still me. I'm not gonna hold on to the things. I'm just going through the flow.