Dear Diary,
Hi, How are you? I skip writing these days, as my life is going through a turmoil these days, I used to think that I am a simple person but now I have realized that I am not, I am so complicated deep down and being too honest with everyone is just increasing my problems in life.
I don't want to live an average life, atleast I want to live a better life that I am having right now, so I don't want to settle for anything less than what I am having right now, so I have to make wise decisions, especially the decisions which will have their consequences life long. I know I have to work very hard for the life I want, to fulfill my desires, so I have started giving interviews for onsite jobs as I want to gain real corporate experience. I have rejected 2 offers in last 2 days, the first one offered less money and it was far from my location so I said no for that, and the second one I thought is nearby but it turned out that they are just outsourcing people, so the job location turned out to be far enough, but the HR tried to convince me by saying they are offering more than my expected salary and all but I said no for that as well coz I don't ride scooty and its difficult to reach to the location everyday by changing so many autorickshaws , papa told me look for a nearby location or continue with freelancing, from this I have realized that first thing I need to do is to overcome my phobia of riding a 2 wheeler vehicle and learn it again, it will make my life easy and money saving as well. Jobs to mil jayenge.
Next thing I want to write about is my personal life, although I have said yes to that person, I am not sure about him, I feel I deserve better, Idk I am so confused, I am not getting that happy vibe from him, I don't feel connected to him to that extent, although I talk to him for hours so that I can feel something, I don't have any romantic feelings for him yet, 2 din se toh sab kuch aur ajeeb hi hai, Idk kal raat I had an argument with him, I will talk about him later, before that I want to say that ghar ka mahool bahut ajeeb ho gaya tha, papa could not sleep out of stress, kal khul k baat hua, I told my parents ki 10 din hi hue hain unlogo ko gaye hue ya humari life me aaye hue aur already itta stress ho gaya hai, hum Decemeber end tak ka time maange the and they are building so much of pressure knowingly or unknowingly Idk, but why are they in so much of hurry and what is the need of sending these kind of messages, I will not write about all those in detail here but atleast yesterday's conversation would have given my father a drop of relief in the ocean of stress, I only said yes for this guy coz my parents were also in hurry and were finding that everything is fine here, but the real problem starts after that only, I would not mention all those here, he didn't answered my call that day, I knew the reason , doesn't matter whatever he says for covering it up.
Later in the night yesterday, he was just justifying his dad's pov instead of trying to understand my pov also, so I said you can't convince me for agreeing on your pov, so stop doing that, I have my opinion and I stand for it and my family values my opinion on every matter, I was rude I know but I can't do sugarcoating that's not me, but it made me more unsure about him.
Let's see what happens next, what's stored in the future, at this moment, I am not sure about anything, I am not getting that vibe yaar, and I am not complaining this time, I am thankful about everything life has given me, I am happy for the way I am, outspoken.
I want to write about recap 2022 as well but not here, some other public platform, I will do that too but I have my exam tomorrow.
I celebrated D's birthday, she is my friend since years, she never left my side, although I am very different from her in every way, I don't agree to her views but friendship is not about that, its just having people who can be there for you, I do everything to make people feel special, not expecting anything in return, it just feels good doing things for people. Atleast her birthday was a change for us from this environment.
I have my exam tomorrow but I want to write recap 2022 as well today and its gonna take a few hours so let's see...