Does he like me back?? (09Nov22)


Dear Diary,

I havent been writing here but life changed so much in these months I think last note I wrote was in January. And now everything changed which I will say some other time but There's a GUY whom I lik and I dont know if he likes me too. Actually in July I went to Mayapur with temple devotees on a trip there I saw him staring at me so many times and we made eye contact so many times. Even after coming back we made eye contact everytime in temple. At first I was looking at him curiously for why he is looking at me but as time passed I didnt realise I got a crush on him slowly... I told my friend on janmashtami that see this guy stares at me nd she was like "OH he made eye contact with me too!" Istg I was jealous ngl super jealous. She saw his insta handle when I was showing her his pic and after few days she told me she msged him Again I got jealous and msged him. We talked for a while without telling him my identity fake id but I told him the area I live in and that I am doing CMA but then after a point he told me he cant talk to me we cant be frnds or even anything. I was sad, she stopped talking to him too(happy abt that lol) but she didnt tell me what they used to talk abt till 2am tf? Anyways in oct he went on some trip and bcuz I wasnt seeing his face I kinda moved on but then oct end he came back and I caught him staring at me again and my frnd told me she caught him staing at her too. Now yesterday was karthim poornima we went to temple saw him he was makibg reels of temple i guess but during kirtan I saw him taking videos basically she was dancing at the front my heart broke when I saw him everywhere near where she was standing always...I dont know what is attractive in her she doesnt even like him she likes someone else come on. Its wednesday today I'll see him again on sunday let's see what happens. 

Actually I think its just attraction bcuz he is not the type of ideal man i have in my man but he is just so polite mature his mannerism and follows spirituality all this just made me fall harder for him. (╥﹏╥) but still my eyes always searching for him♡

but agin I live in fear what if he gets to knw one day it was me and what if he tells his frnds in temple my image and reputation will ruin and wht will my mmy papa will think of me?? He is the first guy I msged and my first strong real crush in my 18 yrs of life