Dear Diary,
I can't sleep. It's 5:51am and, I've been trying to ease my myself back to sleep for the last hour but, my brain is just overlapping with thoughts and scenarios. I wish I could wake my boyfriend Cody up to tell him the thoughts rolling through my head but, he needs his rest. I feel like these thoughts are really realistic. Like, they feel so real. I'm trying to shut them off but, it feels like a parasite in my brain turning the switch back on. I'm in a constant worry all the time. I feel like my life is in danger. I feel threatened. I feel overwhelmed. All these feelings I have, feel like they are coming in quick. I can hardly breath most nights.
These thought I'm having, involve my boyfriend Cody's sister Madison. A few months ago, she called me a pyscho, threatened to hurt me, then told Cody she'd laugh in his face if I broke up with him. All of this was because of a snap I sent with a picture of Codys room in it. I told her to leave me alone and that I wasn't going to be threatened or harassed. But she ended up storming into Cody's bedroom and got all up in my face. Me and Cody ended up moving out, and haven't seen or talked to her in months. But, I constantly worry she will show up at our door or in the near future, to harm me, or come after me again.
I have been contemplating...do I really want to keep feeling this way? AM I going to get harmed by Madison in the near future? Do I really want this relationship with his family? More specifically...do I want this for myself?
I shouldn't have to think these thoughts in a relationship. I shouldn't have to fear that I'm in danger, or will be. Should I leave now so I don't feel this way anymore and be at peace, and leave a wonderful man all because of my fear(s)? Or should I stay, just to keep feeling these thoughts and feelings drowning me?