October 28, 2022 #338

 

Dear Diary, 

OMG I just can’t stop feeding me sugary stuffs. The price is getting higher and higher but why am I wasting my money!!

I bought lunch yesterday after eating lunch! And I bought doughnuts and ate 3. I managed myself to keep one for tomorrow… 

Think about it…last week before my shifts started, I bought myself doughnuts. I don’t know why but I felt like I need some sugar after the train ride. Hormone? Maybe but I think it’s too much. It’s sugar addiction and spending addiction I guess. 

Oh I think I should keep every receipt to observe my spending… 

And instead of eating, I think I can read or watch. 


My stomach isn’t strong enough to keep going like this. 


I can’t break my bad habits. 

It’s difficult… I find problems then aim for solving these problems then I find myself losing it then go back to the beginning. Mmmmhhhhhhh 

That’s typical me. I am not strong and keep struggling. 


Oh hey, then what if the law of attraction..? works? 


Imagine I am strong enough to break one of my bad habits at a time…?

Imagine if…I were Aquaria? Not sure but he’s only person that I know as who actually said he doesn’t like sweets. Look his skin! 


Well…how about just keeping habit tracker…? Then observe how many times I buy additional sweets/snacks and how much… 


The positive thing…In this month, I didn’t drink coffee except the bottle of cafe latte I had the other day actually. Goody 


There’s famous suggestion for treating anxiety. They simply say “Do meditation~ It changes your life~“


But I know it takes very long. And I think it’s not the advice for who is already under pressure. 


It’s easy to try some meditation when I feel okay. And probably it’s the right time to practice to get used to it. And someday, I think I can use the technique when I feel I can’t stop thinking about something negative or giving me pressure. 


But don’t you think it’s kinda weird… Normal people nowadays are casually suggested to train themselves little bit like a monk. 


Ewww btw I can feel my womb…
It’s here after months and months of absence… my body started to working as a female’s again and that finally feels weird in me. 

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