October 20, 2022 #323


Dear Diary, I don’t want to move. I need to wash my face and brush my teeth at least. I wore makeup today because I had time and energy this morning. But not now. Feeling sad and miserable about my future. I did online free tarot reading. I felt like it was told me happy life I dream is very far away from my current situation but don’t forget there’s hope and keep believing the hope. My current situation is hermit, it says. 

I was thinking there’s no purpose for my life and I don’t understand why I need to keep living life like this. Meh that’s sounds weak I know. But that’s what my heart speaks. I have no idea what kind of job/lifestyle actually brings me inner peace. I have another shift tomorrow. I need to take shower X(

Why tears are coming out 

I’m just exhausted. And it turned out that applying to the temp job was also complicated. I need to take interview. I need to think how is my life 3 years later, what is working for me, what is my strength etc etc 

Through phone call on Monday 24th. 1pm! Wtf I have no future and I want to know if the word “work” not contains “dealing with adult bullies” 

They requires test :( that makes me nervous too. Emotional energy is still low… this kinda things happens. And it’s annoying. 

Edit ✍️ 

I took a bath. I knew it was actually not that hard at all so I felt stupid. And I was feeling stupid while I was in tub. Cried little bit. I felt so stupid. It was easy.  Hair wash, face cleansing, drying hair, and even face moisturizer ✅ Wth 

My body and brain needed a break before taking a bath…1h of break 

Okay I can understand but why it had to make me feel like that. Stoph it. I am worrying.  I might slip my hand and commit something wrong because of that. What the heck I feel so stupid 🤯

I’m feeling okay actually. Just feeling stupid