October 08, 2022

Dear Diary

After reconnecting with my master after over 1 year, I'm excited and happy to be with him once again.  He has always been in my heart and he is the only one that I've ever truly wanted to be with.  I want to serve him but am very afraid of disappointing him in not being able to do something he commands.

My first concern is if he is still with his girlfriend. I would feel horrible doing this behind another woman's back. I want to be number one in his life without distractions from others.  I guess I just do not understand the dynamics of this lifestyle.

I cannot help but feel that I'm setting myself up for failure.  I'm already having problems as I cannot even open a diary.  A big concern is that I'm not going to be able to do sexual things that are asked of me.  I cannot put in a plug and cock at the same time. It is physically impossible for me.  The one time I was told to use an extra large cock and master said what good are you when I told him it did not fit.  I don't know if I'm overthinking everything or why I already feel as stressed out as I do.  I just feel like whatever I do is not going to be correct or enough.

Another concern is not knowing limitations.  

And a question I have is why is it not important to spend time together?  Sometimes I wonder if this is just fantasy as when we have gotten together in the past it's just like we're old friends. And not much is spoken of our relationship.  And most of the time we got together only because Master was in the area anyhow.

I guess it is just the unknown that I am afraid of. Hopefully this fear will pass.