Dear Diary, Well, to be honest I am feeling lonely and a little helpless… I don’t have close friends anymore. Because of my depression and graduation under quarantine.
I am not good at reaching out my friends without specific reason. My self esteem is quite low that I don’t think I can invite them by myself. That’s my hidden thoughts. How can I just invite my friends who have full time job unlike me? I feel like I don’t have rights to do so. They would reply to my message if I send but they never sent me and the conversation won’t last long. I don’t even know how to open up everything to them. I am not the person I had shown to them. That’s how I feel. I have no idea what to do. We didn’t really know about each other. I am afraid to ask personal questions. Like siblings or anything. I don’t want to talk about my Highschool and maybe junior high as well. It wasn’t like others. About my little sister as well. Our sisterhood is different from others. We weren’t allowed to hang out without our parents. And I don’t talk about relationships. I am not interested in boys and girls. I won’t have kids. And I don’t think I want to marry. I am even afraid of asking “how are you doing” because this kind of question makes me like “Errrrr…”
Even when I invited my close friend by myself once, I couldn’t be happy straightly. I couldn’t wipe off the thoughts that she is here because she is just a nice person and not because she really want to be with me. I was just a okay person.
Isn’t it sad? What to do? I think it’s creepy to send a chat only on their birthday. Well also they don’t remember mine as well.
Even Amelie in that movie had friend who left her cat in Amelie’s place.
I am trying to be a happy person but meh… 😑
Help me Rhonda
h, help me Rhonda
Help me Rhonda
h, help me Rhonda