I daydream all the time about having a public emotional breakdown. Where I start yelling and throwing things and can’t control myself, and these daydreams I’m surrounded by strangers and people I know looking at me with the most shocked looks on their faces, and I know how they are looking at me and judging, I don’t care cuz I’ve simply had enough and I’m tired of hiding all my anger and sadness so I just explode and let it all out. Whenever I day dream this I feel relief, I feel this burning and urning desire to just explode and loose it, to finally stop giving a fuck and loose my shit and turn into aggressive crying scandalous maniac, and it feels good when I daydream these scenarios but when I wake up and realize that it’s not that easy to just “loose it” I get this overwhelming feeling of regret, I regret not showing expressing my anger and sadness, I regret being weak. I always feel like I’m on the verge of exploding, I keep telling myself and preparing that that day will come and I have to be ready, the day I finally loose it and stop caring about anyone or me.