September 11, 2022 #265

 

Dear Diary, these days I have nightmares. They are seriously scary like I had never had that kind of nightmare before. 


It’s already evening but I still can’t let go. 


I was at beach with a short haired girl. Around 10 years old I guess. We were having good time even tho I didn't really know her. It was really good summer weather and sky and the sea are same sky blue. 

In the next scene I can remember is a huge amount of sea water took her away. The surface of the sea was swallowing so I tried to leave to go higher place with her but the water took her way and left me alone. 

Then, I was inside of building similar to my home with 10+ strangers and I made a speech about how I lost her and what others can when they are beach with children. 

After that, I realized that I could call cop or something to rescue her. And I blame myself for unconsciously giving up her life assuming she couldn’t service when tsunami took her away. 

I went pale even more. 

What killed me more was the weather forecast of the day. It clearly showed it’s dangerous to go near the sea. Why didn’t I check it before we go there? That’s what I thought. I could’ve prevent that tragedy before it happened. I really blamed myself like I can’t feel alright forever. 


In the next dream, I could realize that the loss of the girl at the sea was only dream. 


But it still haunts me even now. 


I don’t have any idea why these nightmares suddenly started to happen like everyday these days since August 19th. 

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