Dear Diary,
I feel alone, I’m surrounded by people and I still feel alone. Why?
Also… I’m single… lately I’ve been thinking that I’m not capable of being loved. Why? What is wrong with me? To be honest I’ve never think about marriage, a paper just to prove two people are together? A blessing from a person who I’m sure has more sins than I? I don’t believe in that crazy shit.
But I used to believe in love, why I can’t find someone who loves me like those crazy bitches who get married. I’m almost 30 and my last relationship was with my bed, or with my best friend at that time when I was 22. I’ve been on dates, but they broke up with me and finally they met the love of their life… sounds familiar Marc? (That’s another topic) people always says “it’s going to come when you least expect it to come” shut up… I don’t trust that bullshit… oh yes yes I have another one… “please be patient, it will come” patience? What is love a bus and I need to wait for it? At 28? I just turned 28 and I’m on dating apps, blind dates and NOTHING, and when I say nothing is nothing. People just thinking about s3x (nothing is wrong with that, I love s3x) but the first message of tinder is “you want to come over?” No John I don’t want to come over, what if you are a serial killer, or a rapist. I want to exchange some conversation before.
Also my friends always told me to low my standards because I’m to picky, are you joking Patricia? You married one of most wealthy dudes in town and you want me to low my standards “just to be with someone” shut the fuck up. Or Mary “is because you scared them away because you are very powerful and guys likes to be needed” so what, I’m independent, if I want to be with someone is to be part as a team not just to be “the perfect wife and mother of my child”.
I’m 28 and is 2022, we are 3 months apart to finish this year and I’m telling you if I don’t end up with someone this year, i will stop trying and bring this topic, yes Megan I know if I stop bringing this up I’ll be with someone but that’s not the point.
I’m tired of trying, tired of apps, tired of everything.