August 28, 2022

Dear Diary,

I don't think I'm unhappy, but I'm sometimes frustrated with my relationship. 

I've been conditioned to the rules that being unsatisfied makes me ungrateful and that shes never enough. If I speak against how she feels then I'm invalidating her feelings, being mean, and narracistic. 

This isn't fair. I can't speak my emotions without breaking these rules. 

She knows I'm uncomfortable with a couple of her guy friends, she doesn't seem to give a damn and will tell them "he knows he can't choose my friends for me" and although that is true I'd atleast hope she respects me enough to do something about it when those friends cross a line, or set limitations in their friendship beyond the basic rules of friendly conversation. This fucking guy said "if you lived near me, I'd take you out everywhere" like bruh. But at the same time he'll counter shit he says with "i'm so happy for you guys, ya'll are adorable". Like exactly bro, we're adorable, we fit, and your fucking existence in her life is pissing me off. 

I'm so tired of the "I don't wanna be mean" card. Its not being mean, its being loyal, its being respectful to your relationship, and to your partner. How can someone not use that as justification in her head when it comes to making decisions for the sake of the relationship. I don't understand it. I get she's a people pleaser but there needs to be a line where that excuse is no longer valid and when dudes are sending shirtless pics bc they want u to look at them and u still don't do anything about it... that line done been crossed 20 miles back.