Dear Diary,
Is that possible to change our lives when we're overwhelmed?
Long time no see I know but I'm busy taking the time for getting out of my situated which makes me unconscious. But I’d say, I decided to change my life no matter what happens to me because time after time, I promise myself to have better physical and better health but I couldn't get succeed in that. There are many reasons why I was giving up what I want and I have no clue where I long to be, I mean the environment where I live wears me down when I push my boundaries. I had been thinking about how can I feel better for 5 days and I was out of town for a short time, staying alone I mean getting away from my family let I consider the way I take a step. As you can see that my sobbing attack doesn't come out deliberately like after hanging out with my friends, everything seems like natural and I don't have any concerns because I feel conscious. And then I sobering and I started doing it myself to injuries like striking my head on the wall. When it comes to feeling anxiety, I can't take control of what I do, just breaking into tears. I have never let someone soothe me because it doesn't work. Only people can soothe me, it's me. From From time to time, I got ideas to try to commit suicide as I thought no one loves me no one cares about me, even if me. Well, what happened that I change my mind, it seems that nothing happen. All of the sudden, I found myself healing process. I started going for a walk, working out, and allocating time to hang out with myself and study without any pressure on myself. I can't say that I'm so so great because I'm not. As well, it's impossible that see a process within two days. What makes me worth living and my inner voice told me just don't be harsh on yourself, you come down with cancer so why you can't be afraid of this so far it makes sense when I recall this. Anyway, in the coming days, I'm going to keep motivated and keep encouraging how I can be the person that I imagined. Before ending up my words, I’ll create an Instagram account to share my English journal and back up those who learn English then my birthday is getting so close and I have to feel better because it's my relief. If I feel sucked into my birthday, my life would encounter many things that drive me crazy. I'm looking forward to seeing you as much as I can, I keep being here, even if I don't know who you are, reading about your journey, and witnessing your feelings is the best thing that I've ever done because I have many friends but I couldn't open my heart I know they can't tell me bad things to break my heart when they get out, it will gossip. Bye for now