Dear Diary,
Hey, I’m back. I know I’m not writing regularly because I'm mentally collapsed so I take a break from everything that I’ve made every day. I'm trying to heal. For two days, I have thought about my life deeply I mean, love, friendships and family. All of them make me feel like being a nothing. I'm dedicated to how can I figure this out because I need to do this. So, today, I met up with my friends as we couldn't meet since the school was over. But I’d say, I'm precious to them. They care about my feelings and my mental health. But, since I learned something about my friend, my feelings were confused. I'm questioning whether I have a thing for him or not because he started to have the relationship, I feel disappointed that I have never imagined that he's into flirting. Maybe, the reason why Im thinking is to be alone for a long time. I couldn't remember when I have a date, for ages. I have no clue how I can love. Love is blind but not for me. Since my adolescence, I put a lot of conditions to starting a relationship. But I don't even like it. Why am I obsessed? So, I'm sad that he's flirting with a girl who has a more beautiful nose than me seemingly, I hate that. Tell the truth, I could pretend to be happy for them but I'm not. Some friends thought that he likes me, but he's my close friend and I care about him. It's not impossible that falling in love is my rule. It's not ethical for me. But right now, I feel different I admit that I'm jealous of them. While calling my bestie, I said time after time, I guess I will die alone so I don't believe in love, I believe in pure love which is unique, compassionate and respectful. But many people just look for having sex, hanging out or killing time. But my time is valuable, time is money. So, I prefer not to get a chance with some guy who likes me. I have to like it unless I can't do that. Lastly, my English sucks right now. I can't focus on it. But I’ll get through this and I’ll learn to walk away. Good to see you again.