Dear Diary,
I am very stressed today, in the morning also I wasn't feeling well so I slept for some hours, I am stressed because I don't know what's going on and how to deal with it, I guess one of the reason is this marriage stuff and all, I told my mother clearly that I am in no hurry, keep patience and let me focus on the other things for now when the right time will things will automatically fall into and right now I am not in that state of mind of getting married or meeting New people etc but today when I called my mom she told me that they went to some boy's house but I didn't asked anything regarding it. She asked when is your exam I said that its on 21st Aug but don't ask me to come home or anywhere else to meet people, I said that if they will ask me to come, I won't come this time and I am clearly saying this now only at that moment they will do any such thing they will bear the consequences simple, I was angry after that or I should say I was upset because they are not understanding my mindset, what is my mental state right now, I only know that I am not well at all, and after that when I don't have any choice I simply say some excuses to the guy that right now I am not ready for marriage and all, then they say something to my parents and that's how I am avoiding things, I don't understand what is the hurry, what do they want or why they want me to get married, they just want to get over their responsibility or what and why so, they gave me birth coz they wanted to have a child, I never asked to come in this world and when I am in this world let me live it on my own way, I don't know why I don't want to get married, I don't have any such particular reason its just that I don't want it right now I don't want to meet new people I don't want to get judged by people at this moment, I don't know what do I want, Idk if someone asks me to marry even S at this time I don't know how I will react to it, I am definitely not in a good frame of mind. I just want to get disappear for a while or maybe for a long time.
I have stopped getting calorie concious and started eating anything and everything so that I don't lose any weight so that people will reject me on the basis of my appearance, they won't say it on my face but they will definitely do as this is the stereotype afterall, people want girl to be fairer in complexion and slim and fit atleast I am out of the parameter know, I am trying to do something atleast so latelu but I guess I have figured out some career option for me and I want to pursue it, I am working on it to make it happen I guess I will stick to it this time.
Not sleeping now so bye.