Dear Diary, i find myself disappointed by every social interaction i have. maybe my ego is still fragile, but i internalize the smallest things and tear myself apart because of them. i’m not exactly an enjoyable person to be around, i can get along with most people on a surface level but i find the more comfortable i get the more bits and pieces of my real personality comes out and i often do or say things that agitate people or piss them off. i forget that just because of an outlier or two, that doesn’t mean people like me. i mean i’m not exactly sure even those “outliers” like me. hell the proof is in the cards, my best friend, the person i told just about any and everything for up to two years, look at where we are now. i’m not a person that should be in others lives.
i know my family loves and cares for me and that’s enough to keep me comfortable. i think maybe after starting work and meeting new people there might be a possibility i find someone i connect with, but right now i don’t fit in where i’m trying to fit in. the only other person i really have right now is shannon, and she doesn’t really need me there. i’m kind of a waste of time where she can be focusing on bettering her life or spending time with her boyfriend. i’ve thought about it a lot, i don’t think i’ll isolate completely because i don’t want her to feel guilty, but i need to distance myself. after what happened last night i feel extremely mentally weak and i just need to spend some time in a dark room alone. i need to remind myself of my place in the world.