River's Dear Diary

This isn’t an I miss you and want to reconnect . This is I’m tired of wondering why I deserved to be used again . How someone can be so upfront about their past , and yet can be taken advantage of again . Why didn’t you break things off when you told

In the great words of Blackbear, "2016 was catastrophic. I deserved it, just grateful that it is over, just thankful that its through". What a time it is you just graduated, it is your 18th birthday. You are at the beach, salt in your hair, sand on y

I am fully enjoying my journaling journey. I love the quiet time it is giving me, alone with myself. The sound of the penicil scraping across the paper, it takes me back to simpler times. But sometimes when I look up prompts it causes me stress. I am

Take a walk with me, through the damp basement and out the storm door. IT smells if cat and moldy dust. You push through the cobwebs and taste the night air. The only light is coming from a street lamp a football field away. You grab my hand, we go a

Do you regret the way you treated me? What about how you shoved weird substances into my nose? You remember when I said no and you told me I was a bummer? Never any fun. Sitting in the back seat of the Pontiac scared for my life. Desperately craving

Anxiety and depression are strange. They change your entire personality, I am 25 I feel like I am just now figuring out who I am. Who I want to be. For most my life I was being who I needed to be. I didn't stand for anything. Just wanted to make it t

It is dark and damp. Two beds with sheets that would come alive under a black light. You can smell the booze and cheap perfume. You are not alone but you feel isolated and defeated. A man a stranger you once knew. Hands you a brick. Confused and scar

The type of people that takes advantage of a broken beaten soul are the lowest scum to walk this earth. Everyone runs into these people. I think I was created to deal with them head on. A big blinking neon sign on my forehead "Take advantage of me".

Climb aboard the red rocket ship. Are you ready to explore. You are zooming through the clouds you land in outer space, its feels oddly familiar... but the walls are bleeding rainbows. The doors are growing tall. Did you hear that? Its an alien, you

The first night you encounter Zanny The Nanny is so chilling you are numb. You stare into each others eyes both to nervous to make the first move. Voices in your head are calling you weak. Being suspicious of a friend? You let her in, she wraps you i

The coating on my favorite candy is purple, bitter, and sticky. It melts on my tongue makes my taste buds cringe. When its really bitter I wipe it off on my t-shirt. It leaves a waxy purple stain, but that's okay purple is my favorite color after all

Dear Diary, sometimes i relapse just so i can reset my tracker…. what a useless reason

Dear Diary, i hate it here in this head of mine. it’s perfect until my brain isn’t preoccupied anymore. think; all i do is think for hours on end, about nothing, about everything. about ideas of grandeur, and love, and conversations i’m far too much

Dear Diary, i haven’t been here in a while because i’ve been feeling good recently. things have been really good, but for the first time in a while i need to vent to an open void. i’m pissed, and i’m filled to the brim with bitterness. my brother has

Dear Diary, i try not to follow my peers online. i don’t really like many people so i’m not interested in seeing what they do on the daily. part of it also has to do with my own insecurities. i watch as everyone i grew up with is growing and having n

Dear Diary, i love to tell myself all the time that i ain’t shit. my mantra to myself is how useless i am and how little i matter, but as soon as someone else makes me feel that way it feels wrong? i keep this mantra to keep myself sane. i keep it s

Dear Diary, my relationship with food is complicated. i suppose i should preface with this a trigger warning. it’s nothing extreme, just complicated… the way i view my body fluctuates greatly, but i do find that i almost always pay attention to my s

Dear Diary, i had therapy today and it went pretty well. after that me, my brother and sister, ma, and stepdad all went out for lunch. it was a really nice meal and on the way back i rode in my brothers car and we listened to old 90s hip hop. my brot

Dear Diary, sometimes i start thinking about him. most of the time it’s just a fleeting thought, i can occupy myself rather easy, but sometimes i think about the time we spent together. i think about all the things i don’t want to remember. i thought

Dear Diary, i feel weird, as per usual. i miss my friend, and i feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. i don’t expect us to go back to the way things were before, and sometimes i’m accepting of that and other times i’m in denial. i find myself b

Dear Diary, i made a new internet pal a few days ago. it’s rare for me to find someone i enjoy talking to, and meeting people over the internet is so dull sometimes. with this person it felt so easy to talk to them right off the bat. i know realistic

Dear Diary, so my relation with my dad the first 14-15 years of my life was depressing. i found myself longing for his company and affection  often but he wasn’t interested in much aside from booze and women. my mom assured me often that he didn’t ca

Dear Diary, sometimes anxiety gnaws at my stomach and i feel nauseous, but i don’t really know the reason. i hadn’t had any anxiety inducing thoughts, nor am i in a stressful situation. it just appears out of the blue. i have a theory that it’s my bo

Dear Diary, sometimes i see things on the internet that make my skin crawl. it’s not what you’d expect, i’m comfortable with all kinds of morbid pictures and stories, gore and horror don’t typically bother me. what gets me most is when i see somethin

“i’m a fucking retard. i’m the stupidest son of a bitch on earth to have believed such obvious lies. someone like me? someone enjoy talking to me? someone miss me? someone caring about me? am i fucking delusional? i must’ve forgotten who i am.” i kno

Dear Diary, i find myself disappointed by every social interaction i have. maybe my ego is still fragile, but i internalize the smallest things and tear myself apart because of them. i’m not exactly an enjoyable person to be around, i can get along w