[ENTRY 102..✍️]
I was in the bathroom of the motel he took me to when I heard the TV from inside the room start to play. Hmm.. I wondered what movie he could be playing. Upon my getting out, he had already settled into bed in his shirt and boxer shorts under full bright lights which I asked permission to turn off. Once the room was only illuminated by the television screen, I climbed onto the mattress next to him and my embracing approach was immediately welcomed in his warm arms. I snuggled into his chest for a bit before I turned my head around to catch sight of Chris Hemsworth on the big screen right in front of us.
"What movie is that?" I asked.
"The Huntsman and The Winter…" he trailed off, temporarily forgetting the next word.
"Winter Soldier?"
A laugh quickly erupted from his mouth upon hearing that, which instantly had me realize my mistake. "It's not an Avengers film, babe," he said.
"Ah! Winter Witch," I finally recalled, having scrolled upon it on Netflix. "You still haven't watched that?"
"I have but I don't remember much of it anymore."
I fought the urge to ask him to go back right from the beginning so I could commit myself into really watching it but I remembered we were going to have sex so the movie was most likely just going to be used as a background noise.
"Is that a part-two of the one where Kristen Stewart is Snow White?" another question from me.
"Yes. Yes it is."
"Oooh..." That actually surprised me to be honest. "I didn't know there's a part-two of that one. Nor that this one is a part-two of another.."
"Can you put my glasses there, babe?" he requested, handing me his eye-glasses and motioning towards the bedside table next to me.
"No, I can't."
"Oh, you can't.." He chuckled though I was already placing it there, laughing.
"Just kidding, sweetheart," I said, facing him. He looked back at me and that's pretty much how we started kissing which inevitably turned to sex. I bet my ass every time I watch a scene from "The Huntsman and The Winter Witch'' now, I'd be reminded of Erwin and how passionate the sex is with him. I'll rewatch the entire film when we break-up so I'll get all emotional and shit.
What I learned from my other entry—the one where I boldly asked him if he was my boyfriend—is that overthinking gets boring and most especially annoying once you're back in your sound mind and you recall the kind of a melodramatic idiot you have been. And then there comes regret and the inevitable question: "Why in the deuce did I do that?"
Yeah. Exactly. Why in the world did I do that?
After the stress I went through by fueling it myself with my over-analyzing tendencies, I've decided to not read too much into things anymore and boy did it make a difference in regards to my comfort with Erwin's company. It's so much lighter and easier and not at all internally agonizing. So much better, in fact, that the next time I went out with him after the drama, I no longer felt some kind of wall that usually builds up between us whenever we're not together for a certain amount of time. The same wall that, to me, can only be broken down by some form of physical intimacy. So I guess in this case, indifference makes a difference. Not total indifference, of course. I still overthink about things with Erwin once in a while but in a healthier way now. The kind where they just pop in your head and you mull it over for a few minutes before you disregard it away in some obscure corner; and when you've got nothing else to think about, you pull it back out into the light and entertain it again. So really, it's a choice in which I have stable control over now. Or better yet, "for now". The future is always uncertain and humans are ever so changing creatures.
Anyway.. From that night, I learned that Thor is Erwin's favourite among the "Avengers". And that his female crush is Natalie Portman, which reminded me of a question I was asked years ago.
The question was: "If your life were to be made into a movie, which actor would you choose to play you?"
My response was: "Either Scarlett Johansson, Nina Dobrev, or Natalie Portman."
Yes. Either of those incredibly beautiful and gorgeous women because I'm delusional and shameless like that.
We cuddled after sex and he put his leg over me, which, by the way, is really meaty. I absolutely dig it because it's well proportioned to his upper body. He's quite a huge man. A bit like his idol, Thor. Haha.
"Is my leg heavy?"
"Not yet."
"Not yet? Hahaha."
It really wasn't heavy yet. If it were my sister's leg, though, I'd automatically kick it away. He slept for a bit and I stayed awake watching the movie whilst gently stroking his leg on top of me, my other hand intertwined with his. After a while, he roused up and asked, "Did I snore? I think I snored."
That was amazing. He could hear himself?
"Yes, babe. You did."
"Was it loud?"
"Well, your face was near my ears, so…" I lightly laughed. "Haha. It's okay. You can sleep."
I really didn't mind him snoring but I probably shouldn't have said that cos now he didn't go back to sleep and I knew how tired he'd been since the last half of February.
When the movie was over, he let me choose what to watch next and I literally spent 15 minutes just scrolling back and forth through movies and series with the remote control. The dilemma of when there's too many options that you can't decide what to choose at all. After what seemed like forever, we both agreed on "The Assassin's Creed" because he frightfully protested when I contemplated on a supernatural horror film. He's scared of the likes of "The Conjuring", it's adorable. Lmao. He isn't fond of gore movies as well.
So much for making me choose, huh? Haha.