June 20, 2022 #200

Dear Diary, 

Every time I go through job information sites, I feel I am not good enough to do the works and have no interest to motivate me to overcome. 

But I need to start something. When I start my job, I want it to be a good environment, stable enough, and easy to commute. I don’t really care about my interests. But I want to care about my dream and my health. I found myself very fragile than others around myself. But less fragile to be helped by others. Now I am just waiting for the time I say I am okay. 

Currently, I can’t image myself to live alone. I rather image myself low key neglect myself. My part time job is almost nothing compared to my past part time jobs.  But I feel exhausted when I come home. All Human feel tired when they come home from 9-10 h of works. But how about me? I was just sitting 4.5 hours at library counter plus spend less than 2.5 h for commuting. When I got home, I was exhausted that I don’t want to talk, my lips makes a big arch like a rainbow, feeling very sad for no reason. I don’t really think I can obtain a stable job. 

But at least I sometimes have a motivation to check job infos. I didn’t have it at all several month ago.