May 16, 2022 #174


Dear Diary, hello it’s me again

I am in my bed now. But it’s not coming yet. The sleep. Then suddenly get to feel vain. So here I am. 

I don’t have specific named religions yet I am trying to learn the wisdoms from them. For example, I have an Christian bible app in my phone and read it sometimes. …while my brain fully accepts the existence of many kinds of higher beings. 

Anyways, today’s line was this one bellow. 

 Matthew 15:11

It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person. 

It was already highlighted by past me. 

Yeah that’s so true! I recall when I did it, I was struggling with negative self talk. Somehow it is now tamed away or gone. Yes mainly they are gone I guess. 

But still, some times it shows up. 
I really like the idea of calling these demon. My senpai’s instagram account, that I don’t follow has a lot about her life with Jesus. I don’t really know it’s traditional one or not tho, I was inspired when she mentioned the idea. It gave me the reasonable excuse to say my negative self talks are lies. All of them. She said these are to avoid us to be happy. All they want to do is making us unhappy. The voice telling you stupid? Ugly? No they are all fake made by demons. Like that. So just ignore them. Yeah that’s right! 

Oh and what I wanted to say is… even though I feel vain sometimes, current me can tell myself that I might be not like my negative self talk telling about me. Well sometimes I manage myself to deny them tho, I can somehow do that these days. 

I know it’s different to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels. But I could say that one depressed period is now ending. And I don’t need to care of when will the next period starts.