May 14, 2022

Dear Diary,

Idk why it's hurting so much. Idk why I am so sad today, instead I should be happy. Right now I am crying too, I just don't know how to deal with it, when you are with family you can't even be sad or weep openly. 

I said no for the shopping, I said no for cake, I said no for the dinner outside too.

My mum asked why are sad, I said I am not, then she said that it's visible on your face. I said I am not. But I am sad and Idk why, maybe I know.

Why does it hurt so much, why for once I can't be completely happy on this day, it's like every year I cry for some or other reason, last year mom was so sick and this year she is much better but I am not well emotionally.

I have said final goodbye too and asked the person to not to text or call please. I am done with it too. This is not what I wanted. So it's a goodbye from my side coz I can't take it like this it hurts more. So why to have pain in rounds it's better to have it all at once.

I want to get over this but how,I am strong but I am feeling so weak this time.   I want to be happy, why I am being vulnerable these days, why I am feeling every emotion so much, why one person can affect so much,.

I want to be happy,  wanted