Dear Diary,
चराग़ों को आँखों में महफ़ूज़ रखना
बड़ी दूर तक रात ही रात होगी
मुसाफ़िर हैं हम भी मुसाफ़िर हो तुम भी
किसी मोड़ पर फिर मुलाक़ात होगी
वो नही मिला तो मलाल क्या, जो गुज़र गया सो गुज़र गया
उसे याद करके ना दिल दुखा, जो गुज़र गया सो गुज़र गया
~ Basir Badr
Hii, I was fine in the evening or I am still fine maybe coz of his little presence. It will take me time to move on from him. I feel bad for him, when I met him he was a jovial person, always smiling, making me laughing, cracking lame jokes and now suddenly I feel that he has lost all him charm, during that 5 mins of video call, I saw how tired and sad he looked, he wasn't even looking at me as it was like he will cry if we had an eye contact, there was a time when he couldn't take his eyes off from me. Anyways this is the reality of my life. We can't say anything to our parents too as they didn't knew that we were always talking or they won't understand if we say this to them, they will play a blame game that she/he trapped you, as I know them very well. For any third person it maybe a normal thing and anyone would feel weird like what's the issue when everything is same like caste and creed but I can't make anyone understand that how things are difficult. Anyways, I was thinking that I had never thought of marriage or anything but when I imagined and shared things, I have thought of him only and now I don't know how can I switch the person and it will be unfair for the upcoming person too as for now I am not in that state to restart things. I need time but how difficult is this for parents to understand, according to them, they introduced me to someone whom I liked but things didn't worked out so try next.
Let it be, jo hoga dekha jayega. Right now a thought just crossed my mind like after years when I will read this, how it will feel to read all these things, will I be happy that time and laugh on this scenario reading this or I will have a small ache in my heart of missing out something that could have turned into some beautiful thing. Idk if someone else reads this what he will think of me, will he hate me + my would be spouse) or he will have a big heart to accept it. Anyways I will not tell anyone from now onwards that I write here or I will not mention any names from now onwards, only 2-3 people know that I write here and none of them has to do anything with this.
I tried to start my assignment, I tried to apply for some job openings but couldn't do anything because it wasn't okay and I couldn't concentrate in anything but I need to buckle up very few days have been left for the submission of assignments and examinations and I have planned one trip in between and I have to go to Chennai also, so I need to get to work atleast assignment and studies for competitive exam.
Good night, I will sleep now. :)
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