Commitment Issues
[ENTRY 92..✍️]
Oh, god. The weirdest thing just happened. Erwin called me his "girlfriend". Oh, good god. It's so weird. Is this how everybody else feels when they become a girlfriend? I was expecting more excitement and less cringe.
Oh, mon dieu... Do I finally have my "first" boyfriend? Is he serious about this? We don't even have sparks. Nor butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of chemistry! Or at least that's how I feel. Our relationship is more physical than emotional to me. I mean, I like the sex. I like the attention. I like the comfort in his embrace. But that's it.
Why is this so fucking weird...
Am I even going to fall in love with him? The goal is to fall so hard in love and get my heart broken. Yeah, okay. The thought of me finally having my first official break-up is relieving, at least. That means there is a guaranteed end to this.
Why would he even want me as his girlfriend? I was already beginning to think I'm more suited as someone he just have sex with whom he calls endearments and whom he is affectionate with but hey, just because he does all those things to me doesn't necessarily mean shit because that's just the kind of person he is. You know. "Touchy" and stuff. I am touchy and sweet to him and he still means nothing. Okay, not completely "nothing". He's the guy I'm seeing, obviously, but… Anyway, I'm trying. I really want to feel something. But it's been only three weeks. Isn't that too soon to commit yourself to someone you barely even know?
Oh, bah. How would I know.
Slip of the tongue. That's all. That's probably just what happened.
If I'm his girlfriend, when the heck is our monthsary? How can he just decide this all on his own? I'm kinda freaking out, to be honest. We don't even know each other's last names!
Oh, god. My freedom... It's over.
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