[ENTRY 90..✍️]
I'm at Layla's right now and she's still sleeping. To be fair, it's only 7am. I slept over and drooled on her cardigan. It's really disgusting.
I wrote a song for Erwin last night because he came home from work so drained and exhausted and I told him: "Aww. I'll make a song for you to make you feel better."
And I did. But I only wrote the first verse and chorus. Layla's a musician so she has plenty of musical instruments. I'm her number one fan, by the way. She is so amazing. I used one of her guitars and made a quite easy song. Not much effort was thrown into the lyrics because I'm not really that inspired. I guess I'm only doing this because I feel bad Erwin always pays when we go out.
You pick me up at 10
In the evening with your car
I sit in the passenger seat
Just right next to where you are
You look at me when we drive around
And you hold my hand
When the red light goes
And nobody knows
What you do to my heart...
Could you be the one that I'm waiting for?
The one that's worth fighting for
Could you be the one that will not walk out the door?
And I wouldn't have to ask for more
Could you be the one I need?
The one that fits the missing piece in me
Could you be the one…
I'm looking for
Cos I'll never search, no more.
It's not that much but I wish I could post a recording here cos it's still pretty cute.
I sent it to him at past midnight and he didn't even say anything about it. Kind of a bummer because I was expecting him to be glad, at least.
Dude, I wrote YOU a song. A SONG. Now I'm not a very fine singer nor a very good guitarist but I made YOU a song, okay? YOU.
How can one not appreciate it?
When I sent one of my songs to Patch and I sang it out of the blue when we were walking by the seashore at night, he sang along with me because he had it memorized. That really warmed my heart.
Maybe Erwin was just really tired. Or perhaps he found it too cringey? The man is in his 30's and that song sounds like it's written by a teenager.
I wonder if he's talking to other women…
When I send a song to Chace on the other hand, what I get is an objective criticism. Idk if that's equally bad as to not having a reaction but at least the bastard robot got something to say. I just want someone to be excited about my art, I guess. My music, my literature... Just like how I get excited when Layla has created a new song of hers. Or when one of my friends has written a story or something. Or when somebody shows me their sketch book. I mean, don't get me wrong. I have friends who give off energy that hypes up my spirits when I present them these things, but… I'm talking about a romantic partner, you know?
Oh, bah. Why should Erwin care about my song? I fucked another guy. Psh.
EDIT: I actually sent the song to Chace three days after I wrote this entry and asked for his opinion about it as a man and not as Simon Cowell judging a mediocre contestant. To my flattery, he was surprisingly appreciative about it and I must say it quite swelled a portion of my heart.
Me: "What do you think?"
Him: "It's yours?"
Me: "Yes. If a girl wrote that for you, how would you feel?"
Him: "It's good, then. I would be honored. Hahaha. You wrote it for someone?"
Me: "It's for Erwin."
Him: "Ohh. Lucky bastard."
Me: "Bastard didn't even say anything about it. I'm not sure he even listened to it. Psh."
Him: "Erwin is stupid, then."
Me: "He was tired and exhausted from work and I told him I'd make a song for him to make him feel better."
Him: "Erwin deserves to fuck himself."
Me: "AHAHAHAHA."
Chace: "Stop fucking him. Or keep it for the next. Or for me 😏"
Me: "But I like sex with him :("
And I do. I truly do. It's the right amount of roughness and loving and the combination is simply irresistible. Ugh..
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