February 01, 2022

 

Dear God, I feel very big pressure in connection with X. Am so exhausted. This character. I just can't stand. And communicate so close with the person who eats meat. It is ureal.


I am sorry. For sure. Yesterday also M. has said something with the purpose to low me. I was feeling it. At least... Like this. I am afraid she is thinking too much about her work without being focused on communication with You 


Sure, I am sad. That I can't communicate with X never more. But. His disrespectful attitude. For me its too much. I can't communicate with person that offends me after the single work without understanding it.


God, I am dreaming about having friends vegans. With whom I will can to be real close. Friends... And after it. H.


God... I am so jealous of our Y. They have so many journeys. But not me.



After G has started to go out, I feel me so not needed there. Where I am now.


And afraid to fo out and/ot do at least something.


I have so many fears. And zero money 


And I know that I should control my type of thinking. And all these stuff. But I ma not.


After yesterday... I feel me so offended.


And...

I feel me. Like having no. Zero. Friends. Real.


Cos...

I feel like all them are on other side.


Yesterday's I haven't came. Out. I think it's bad...


God... I am afraid about my life.



I feel me. Like X doesn't need me at all. I feel me like all those people around him are so much more precious for him that me. And also. I feel like he hates me. God. I am so exhausted. I just can't communicate with him. Sorry. Every sentence it is like try to kill me and my personality. He is not even my H. I don't want to waste time in trying to communicate. When I can just serve to You.


Sure it's bad. Cos. All those time. I am thinking about X. But... I don't know.


I am done. I can't to do nothing even more.


Please, solve these all.


My life for right now for me looks like mistake. Everything thta is going on.


I know that I need to be thankful and lalalla.


But... I don't know. I am just trying to avoid. Everything.


My life has started to be similar to a nighmare...


I have very bad dreams. I mean. The fact tht I have it... It is bad. I don't like it. And hate.



M doesn't respect me... Ahe yesterday has said very unpleasant words.... Through smth.


I hate it. And hate myself.


Communication with X started so toxic that I can't communicate with him evenmore.


I just can't. It kills me. I can't.


I am done. If he has found someone there. Let's do it. I don't need him.


God... I have so many problems. And I have so many undone tasks from You that I feel me ao sad in this connection...



I don't know what to do. I don't know how to solve.



People and You tell me to do and to do for Your glory.


You know my heart. And secret wishes.



You know everything.

I give it to You. I am done. I can't nothing by myself.





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