January 30, 2022

 

Dear God, do You know I want to do real mission on Earth?


Should I wait for Christ, isn't it? Without having any connections with ***? Please, give me wisdom in this. I don't get it...

Also I hvae very big quantity stuff from You what to do.


Writing books.


God, I haven't done no one...

God, I don't read EGW every single dya fir purpose. God, I don't read Sabbath School of other stuff. But. Actually. I do 



But. I don't know what happened with X. Seriously? I don't know what is going qith this life. And I am so afraid...


I don't feel that You keeps it everything. I know I need. To. That J should.


But. Maybe my communication with You looks like absence of the answers?


I feel me so sinful.


I don't have hours with You.

I haven't done normally. Like. Haven't finished. This stuff for my head.


I m so tired to do every single week to this church and do all this stuff.


Everything is the same 


At home. God, I am so exhausted from living with my family.


God. Maybe... Do You want I will live separate?


Cos. I don't feel it. For real.


I feel me so stressed. Like. I am doing something incorrect.


Living at my age with family.


I am so sorry...


God... I feel like I don't know what to do.


I don't feel that this person. Want to communicate with me.


And yesterday. After fasting. I has understood that... My situation. Is even worst.


I feel like:

1. You don't want for me any husband.


I know that it is written that my husband is Christ.


So. I have a question!

Why You don't give me money?

Why do I don't live i separate flat?


They talk to me as to the little child.


Yesterday... It was so strange. I have seen X the real? What happened?


I don't see that he loves you. I tell You as it is. I have very, very big doubts in this connection. I see thta he loves journeys, he loves money. Food. Maybe. Even. His friends. But J don't see that he loves You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



V was in connection with me. God, I am very. Very! So... So... Gid, I am sooooooooo jelous...


I know it's sad and that I should find joy in communication with You personally.



Last times. I feel me like I stopped to exist. Like... Everything has stopped in my live.


He is so afar from me 


God, I am so exhausted from all these people. From their always ruined bodies. Literally? I hate them.


I know that I mist pray for. But I don't want.


You has said me to rest. How? I can't. Please, help me in this.



God. I am so tired from living...



Maybe. Can I just stop all this?


I am so tired. From being again abd again under very big pressure.


God. I feel me so bad.


Like I don't exist 

I am tired and don't want to do nothing. Can I just stop this live and start tge other try? I feel me bad. Like. This is the biggest failure. My communication with X. I am so sad that he doesn't want to communicate witg me even more. I am so tired from myself. Tume controls me. Not me. It... God. I am tired from. All. That. Stuff.


He doesn't explain. Nothing.


Don't want to solve 


I am tired from trying to solve.


I am tired from this humiliation. To being the person that starts the contact is first.



I have seen one again. This quote. I don't believe in dating. That's true 


I am so humiliated. I was communicating with him 


God. I wam so sad. And feeling me so guilty

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