Peru got a hold of me at 3 AM on Saturday. I've been talking to her again all fucking day and have even shared these entries with her. I don't really care who reads this, even if it is the person I am writing about. This helps me more than anything and hopefully helps anyone who reads this. My friends don't believe it's a good idea to continue this and I kind of agree because of my gut feeling that she only wants to be friends. My best friend supports me. I swear my best friend and I think alike on a lot of things. He basically went through the same thing with his ex, but in a different way if that makes sense... I told my mom, but idk if she's scared I will get mad at her or if she doesn't believe me that we can connect on a text message basis. It doesn't really matter. That's why I have friends who want the best for me and love me for who I am. She is still coming in February and I'm just going to hang out with her every chance I get. I prey I will not get hurt, but my luck is so bad with girls I can definitely see myself getting hurt. I hope I am wrong. I have a major surgery coming up and basically they are wrapping and tightening my stomach to repair a 4cm hiatal hernia and take out my gallbladder because it is working at 13% capacity. I am more stressed about hanging out with Peru because I don't believe I can do the things she wants to do and hurt my chances of changing her mind of liking me more than a friend. I have to drink liquids for 2 weeks straight and soft foods for another 2 weeks. Even after that month I have to be extremely careful. I hope she doesn't think I am trying to get out of hanging out with her or refusing sex because of the whole conflict that started this shit. I just want to be realistic and ensure she knows I will not be at my best physically, emotionally, or mentally after the procedure. I still believe I am being foolish for responding to her when she contacted me on FB, but I miss her so fucking much. My hopes and my faith get the best of me all the time. She's texting me as we speak because she caught me in a lie. I feel ashamed because I do not lie often because I'm fucking terrible at it and will easily forget my story. This is twice now and although they are not lies that should have a terrible effect on our relationship or her thinking of who I am, they are lies nonetheless... I only lied because when we first met, she didn't really try to connect with me. She speaks a good amount of English, but obviously feels more comfortable with Spanish. Anyways, I felt like it was a waste of time so I made up a lie so I wouldn't hang out with her. She said she was shy, but I just felt like I was more of entertainment for her instead of a serious future relationship. Peru opened up to me after a week or so to let me know she knew how to speak English and the first time we met, I was so fucking hesitant to go over there, but she made an effort and I barely get effort from girls. I'm usually the one that puts in all the effort. Anyways, I hope we work out, but I'm not holding my breath as I suck at relationships and it takes a while for someone to actually like me as a person
-DrAW