Dear Diary,
I haven't written in a while, though I've been meaning to because I have been wanting to rant about a couple things but kept forgetting to write about it or just didn't have the energy to.
Why is it that everyone has to turn everything I say into some dramatic "If it goes for one, it goes for all" thing. For example, say me and someone are hanging out and I just say "I'm bored" WHY do they have to say "So you never wanna hang out with me again?;Sorry I'm not entertaining enough for you."
Like, the fuck?
With significiant others I do a single thing that isn't toward their interest and they'll start saying things like "you don't wanna cuddle ever again?; You don't wanna be together?; You don't love me no more" or "Wow you didn't even deny it.; The fact that you didn't deny it." WHY do I have to deny it? Do they not know me well enough to know that whatever dramatic thing they said isn't true to begin with?
"You'll break up with me and move on"; "you're probably into someone else"; "you don't love me anymore".
me:"..."
her:"wow you aren't even gonna deny it"
They are basically rhetorical statements in my eyes, I almost laugh or sometimes do laugh at how outrageous what they said is. How am I supposed to respond to something like that? If I take it seriously then they're insulting me, basically saying I'm someone that would do something like that, I should be offended and have a bad reaction but if I don't take it seriously then I'm neglecting their insecurities by not saying "No, you're my everything and I'd never do that.". Like to me thats obviously already true but how am I supposed to not be hurt when I'm expected to reassure someone repeatedly that I'm not gonna cheat on them? Like if they don't trust me not to do that to begin with then why the fuck are they in a relationship with me to begin with.
Or I just express that I don't like something and they'll get all pissed off and have a snappy attitude like "fine. god forbid blah blah". Like all I fucking did was just say not to do something. If I don't want you touching my phone [irl scenario that happened] and I say not to then obey it and stfu. Its my property and I don't have to let you on it nor give you a reason for not wanting you on it.
It goes the same way with some other people I talk to. They dramatize everything I say into something I never meant it to mean and then I have to explain I never meant it that way. It happens so often that sometimes I'll just ignore it because it's so dramatic I can't even take it as a serious statement but then because I "didn't deny it" I'm suddenly being accused of something literally just because I just didn't say "no". Like sorry? Sorry it feels like my reassurance is being baited and abused so I don't care to reassure anymore because its every fucking day that I need to use excessive force to make sure my slate is clean, that I'm not being accused of anything, that I still see/love them the same way I did 5 minutes before, and that I can go to sleep in peace that night instead of feeling guilt tripped because I didn't reassure something and then it lead to a fight before bed so we went to bed on my terms and I feel responible for it.
They have also said on some occasions "it was just a joke/I was kidding", well if they really were and didn't just say that because my bad reaction then how am I supposed to tell the difference between kidding and not kidding? Why is that something to joke about anyways and also how are they gonna say they are kidding then but flame me other times when I don't realize it's a serious thing instead?
Ugh people are so complicated. Maybe it's a teenage thing? I am only 18 and the people I am writing about are always younger than me. I've always been told by my mother that growing up I've always been a lot more mature than my peers because of the lifestyle that I grew up in and although I never understood what she meant at the time, I'm starting to understand it. I'm not trying to just talk bad about teenagers either, I myself am one after all and I'm definetly not perfect either but why must they be so stubborn, so ignorant, so selfish and petty. The rage and pain that fills me when I'm trying to have a serious conversation and they're pulling jokes and sarcastic comments, then when I get mad, I'm the bad guy because I got upset over "nothing".
Anytime I confront one, they'll always shift the blame and never take responsibility.
They can never just say "It's my fault, I'm sorry, and this is what I'm gonna do better to avoid future problems." Instead its always "Well I did this because they did that and I didn't have a choice", they very damn well had a choice. There may have been consequences but they are still prioritizing themselves with the decisions they make then later expect me to buy the "I had no choice" bullshit.
Then they say "I'm just explaining the situation not making excuses" which that in itself is a lie. They are using the situation as an excuse for the decision when in reality it was just putting themselves above whoever.