Dear Diary, I'm starting the new year stuck in a panic attack. The chest pains come in waves. My thoughts will not stop. The tears just randomly fall. The only person I can think to call is my abuser. I've been trying so hard to stay positive, he makes it impossible. The only thing he can't take from me is my sobriety. But...I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I just want the pain to stop. I'm alone, and I'm tired.