Dear Diary, Ever woke up thinking about someone you shouldnt even been thinking about.honestly its kind of cut me finding a whole bag with this persons things in it that i said i was going to burn but still kept.obviusly it meant alot to me tryin on his hat was bad idea now my mind is fucked with what could of been..but i kno it couldnt of been because the guy had controlling issues.an this girl he kept so close to his heart he would just brag about her like she was better.made me feel worthless because i just wanted to be his an only,but he kept pushin her in my face everyday every thought ..oh i wish you could do an be like this girl..it cut me so deep i had to cut him the way it cut me. sometimes i regret it but i had to hert him the way he hert me everyday brusing me slamming me against things holding my wrist till it was bruised. i was abused an i never told anyone a guy hert me that bad .i didnt think it was worth the secret behind my smile i was crying but still now i see why some women dont leave their abusers because you still love them an dont want to start a new one with someone who knows you better then you have ever known yourself.But i dont think its worth being bruised an giving excuses an hiding your marks like its nothing.i hid it all. Like a rip current hitting against the rocks i defenitely saw myself as a sitting rock that wouldnt move untill it was actually kicked an then i would fall deep under an drown. that was just in perspective of my mind trying to explain how i really felt.first guy i ever had that made me feel in the beginning absolutely on clouds.but you know i wasnt expecting the person to be a control freak crazy anger issues bipolar abusive non caring narcasisst i could go on an describe but knowing an returning to that hat an his jacket would never be the same. why you say because those kind dont change.an i know in my mind it was a lesson to just be aware not everything is just not what it all turns out to be.