Dear Diary,
Majority of teenagers I think, or at least a good portion of them good through a low phase. Where they feel everything is against them and they start saying things like "im not gonna live till my 18th" and then they ofc live normal lives like the rest of society.
I was one of those kids... sort of.
Depression almost feels like a genetic inherited trait in my family.
I've had it for so so long. Chronic depression is something I've dealt with since roughly 6-7th grade and I'm a senior now still dealing with it. So although I was just one of those dramatic kids, in a way I wasn't because I was considering ending my own life. I won't go into the details of it but I was serious about what I wanted to do and if something hadn't suddenly shifted in my life- then I would have.
This thought came to my mind because I'll be turning 18 in a couple days and I honestly didn't see this day coming. Why am I not excited? Why am I not cheering for finally becoming an adult? Why do I feel like I could still not make it to 18?
In my 18 years of life I have accomplished nothing.
No goals, made no good friends, I have no official plans, and the only thing I'm hoping to stay consistent as I grow older is having Lois in my life. Problem is though, I don't have her anymore. She broke up with me and went to date someone else, someone she had her eyes on all along. What's the point of making it to 18 when literally everything that could go wrong is going wrong. Is life worth living? If yes then what makes it worth is because I'm struggling to find something.
A permanent slumber doesn't sound so bad compared to what life is for me right now.