Dear Diary, I will probably go to the barber / hairdresser (never figured out which word is better in english) on monday. It's stupid but I'm actually quite afraid of going. I've developed a fear that my hair looks bad that is connected to my fear of never finding a girlfriend. It dates back all the way to 3 years ago when I had a crush on that girl that ended up being married suddenly. I had a lot of hairloss at the time that was probably connected to my eczema.
Because of that hairloss and my overall girl related high anxiety at the time I started thinking about male pattern hairloss too an I noticed that I had developed the typical horseshoe pattern. Now I know its perfectly normal to have this kind of hairline and it hasnt receded much if at all since then, but I still really stress about it. It doesnt help that mine is pretty pronounced too, so I cant really wear full bangs like I used to do anymore.
That isnt much of a problem though since I now usually wear my hair paired to the side (I believe thats how you say it) In march I went to a random hairdresser and I really liked the hairstyle he gave me. You could see the pronounced hairline but it looked good. So I went to the same guy 2 months later even though I usually wait longer since I hate going so much. But that time he did it completely differently. Instead of cutting the bangs to the right length everywhere he suddenly pulled out a razor and did it all in one go to the same length. I really didnt like it but it was so short now that I couldnt say anything. Now 5 months after it is at least longer but I still dont like it since it was all the same length the middle is now much too long. I want it to be fixed but I am also afraid of it being as bad as last time. I go to a place with a random barber (unless you request a specific one) and they change pretty often there, so I probably wont get that guy again. But I'm still really afraid that it will be bad again and that its because my hairline has receded more without me noticing. I keep thinking that it will make my chances of ever having a girlfriend even slimmer. It feels really cold when I think about it. But I have to go since I dont like my current hair either and the semester is starting. Ugh.
Since its October I've been watching the horror anime Higurashi and I like it so far. Oh and I watched Squid Game and it was really good too. How bizarre that something so popular is actually good for once. Almost like we are in the 80s when all the good american movies came out. Maybe South Korea is entering its golden age of cinema now.
Oh and the Jojo poster arrived and its looking good :) I put them behind my computer chair on the wall like I planned. The plan is pretty stupid but I like that my room is more personal.
Bye I wish you all the best!