October 09, 2021

 

Dear Diary,


She's been with someone else for some weeks now, not necessarily officially the entire time but everyone including myself knew that they were an inevitable couple.

Tomorrow is homecoming, I of course won't be going nor was I asked by anyone but she is, and she's going with him. 


Almost every night I tell her that I hope she had a goodnight, and that she has a "good tomorrow" but tonight I lied in a way.

I want her to have a good homecoming, the issue is just that it's with him. 

It's so hard for me to be happy for her when she's being happy with someone else. 
I can hardly stand the fact that they're together let alone support her relationship with him, or hope she enjoys her time spent with him. 

I don't know if that's selfish or not. 

It's true I want her to be happy but its like I've subconsciously set conditions that determine I'm actually happy for her or not. 
I guess a condition of that is if she's happy but only while she's staying loyal to me.

I can't help it, I don't want her to be happy with anyone else. 

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