Dear Diary, a lot has accumulated over the last 2 weeks. I wanted to write earlier but didnt have the stamina to do so.
First off last week I met my dad for a coffee. I mainly did it to get some papers signed I need to get my student money. It is always a pain to get the necessary documents from him. Especially since he himself has no idea about his finances, but I still have to figure them out. Anyway I was a bit scared to meet him since he is on his cancer treatment again, but it went ok. He is going to marry again and he asked me to come to his wedding ceremony. I said yes even though I really dont like his side of the family. They are all really arrogant. But at least that will show him that I still care. And I dont want to make it look like I'm afraid to see his family. I havent seen them in a long time, because it was always such a pain. I never fit in with them. At least I will eat a nice dinner though. My mom wasnt happy about that news of course. His new wife will get part of his pension. And she will get nothing even though she endured all his drunkeness and difficult behaviour. She spent all of her inheritance to cover his debts too. She apologized to me for getting angry, but I totally get it.
Last saturday I was on that party I was talking about. It was kind of an odyssey to get there and back as expected. 3 hour train ride. And the first train was canceled of course. The German Railway is terrible. But I did have fun at the party, even though I'm pretty terrible at parties. I only knew the host and her boyfriend. She was busy making cocktails for everyone almost the whole night and I didnt want to bother her. So I picked some guy to talk to and pretty much stuck to him the whole evening until he left. Thats what I always do I just cant deal with big groups so I tend to be minimize the amount of people to interact with.
I chose wisely too, because he just sat on the sofa most of the time and was really interested in politics. It was the day before the German election so everyone was talking about it. Later a transgirl joined us too who was a friend of his. They are both members of the Left party which I also sympathize with even though I voted green. For you Americans they are the evil socialists they warn on you on Fox news about. For Germany they are left but not extremist.
One weird thing happened though. There actually was a girl who showed interest in me, but it wasnt in the way I wanted sadly. She had talkes with us a bit and then left for a while. When she came back she was really drunk. She sat next to me with what I assumed was her boyfriend. And then she suddenly wrapped her arm around me. At first I thought it was just a friendly thing. I saw that some people do things like that with their friends. But then she started moving her hands and told her boyfriend how cute I was. It was a really weird situation.
I mean I want a girl to be interested in me and it was really nice that she gave me a compliment. But this was not how I pictured it. I barely knew her, I wasnt interested in her at all even though she seemed nice and with her boyfriend right their. She said we should go to the balcony, because she wanted to smoke and if wanted to come. I still was perplexed and said sure at least we wouldnt be so close there.
When we were there she offered me a self made cigarette. I kind of expected it to be weed, but it was just normal tobacco. I smelled it. Maybe I would have tried weed but I really dont want to start smoking. So I gave it back to her. She seemed really disappointed and then offered me a beer. I said before to her that I dont like beer and dont really drink. To be fair I had tried some of the cocktails, but not very much. I think she was kind of hurt to be rejected like that, but I didnt have a choice did I? She stood up and they left the party I think. I hope I didnt do anything wrong. Be careful what you wish for I guess.
Then everything was back to normal again. When more people left I could relax more and more. My friend wasnt as busy and we could talk. We played a bit if twister and a drinking game (I participated with Bitter Lemon) After the party I stayed for the night and was really lucky to get a room for myself. I was kind of nervous, because I had never stayed after a party but it was ok. I only slelpt an hour and was super tired the next day but it was fine. We had some eggs and bacon in the morning and then I took the train home. I'm looking forward to the next one, although I hope that girl isnt there. I feel guilty about what happened.
Other stuff: I started a series for Knight. She is shipping two of the characters and wanted me to check it out. Its an HBO series called Succession. I'm on episode 5 and so far I really dont like it. It is about unlikeable rich people and nothing happens. I was afraid to tell her my thought but also didnt want to lie to her. So I said my opinion but also that I dont want to ruin it for her or anything. She was fine with it though. She said she shits on stuff she likes all the time. So thats a relief. She said it gets good at episode 6 but I am sceptical so we will see.
Next semester will be mostly in person again. I dont have much left to do, so I got into a vokuntary course by another student. Its about the movies of Kurosawa. I had to write the girl who runs it an email to register and I said thanks for doing this interesting course. It was friday 22:18, but she wrote back only 12 minutes later. It was in english so I can copy it here:
Hi Spirit,
thank you so much for registering - I have added your name to the list of participants and will contact you again with all of the necessary information before the tutorial starts on xx November. I very much look forward to the many interesting discussions we’ll have about Kurosawa and Japanese cinema!
All the best,
XXXX
She sounded very enthusiastic, maybe I was the first to register? Not many people visit these kind of courses and this one is in english and under corona conditions. I googled her and found her youtube with a picture. She looks cool and the last channel she subscribed to was Super Eyepatchwolf, who I identify a lot with.
I am imagining things again that will never happen. 95% Chance she has a boyfriend. But what if she likes me and we will have great conversation? At least I have something to dream about again.
Take care!