kind people (gross details)


Dear Diary,

I started my day like any usual day, but I felt especially fatigued this day. It might be because of the menstruation or anything else, but I knew I didn't feel so good. 

I went with it anyway. Did my job, went to restock then open the kiosk in the afternoon. I stared at my lunch thinking to myself it's this dish again, but I was hungry so I went with it.

By 5pm, I was feeling a bit claustrophobic and beads of cold sweat just washed my face, I was feeling a little nauseous too. I have a phobia with nauseating, but even if I try nothing goes out. My tummy's rumbling but hard as a ball. I was thinking it might just be gas. But it only got worse from there.

I couldn't poop, I was feeling lethargic at the same time. I went inside to lie down on the sofa real quick, but everytime I stood up I felt dizzy. I sat down again and decided that I wouldn't move. I called my mom and asked her what I could do. She told me to close the kiosk for now and take a rest, rub some vaporub in the area (very classic) and drink some coffee or tea.

I told her I'll do them later. I closed the kiosk and went back to lying down. There was a pile of throw pillows and I just rested my back on it. I didn't realize I fell asleep.

An hour later I could almost panic since a part-time job of mine started like 15 minutes ago. My cousin informed me that it was alright, my uncle (who was also my boss), informed her that we should hold up for tonight. I felt relieved and decided to take a rest some more.

A little later, I woke up to this hot glass of milk brought by my cousin and later on received a facetime call from my uncle asking how I'm feeling. I told him not so well and that my stomach still aches. He told me if I wanted to go upstairs and sleep in the room with my cousins. Told him not to bother. Other than that, all the utensils in the kiosk were collected by my cousin to be washed- then my aunt was the one who washed them.

I didn't do a single thing. I was trying to sleep but I couldn't help but cry at the gestures. Life has been tough, so I mutter to myself again, I can't afford to fail, I have to help these people, the person who I am now, I owe it to them. I also think I can never be as kind as they are. I start thinking this is what family is about- I tear right now as I write. 

I wish to be rich to help these people. I think that's where my occassional greediness can come from. It's not about proving people wrong, it's to have the capacity to help the people who has helped me.