Dear Diary,moving back with my parents has been stressful and has continued to be.my dad talks in 3 rd person about me in front of me.i know im physically disabled but i want to be independent and have my own place.My parents are stopping me from getting my own place but i think it would help me mentally to leave as my parents are helping me physically but destroying me mentally.im in a catch 22.i need help physically so im stuck.im low on funds so i feel like im stuck here and my mind is turnning darker thinking there is only one way out.i have told my parents i feel this way and how i need certain things being an adult.they agree and then brush over everything ive said.they want to decide for me,im forgetful anyway but seems to have got worse.im suffering from this heartbreak and my dad will bring my ex,one particular comment was you dont him to wipe your ass anymore' . obviously that cut quite deep for me and he was so causal about it.i dont know what to do.im doing everything right but i still get punished it seems.my ex is resisting me seeing my stepdaughter.i am running out of things to live for.Don't get me wrong,my friends have been my bedrock but as horrible as it sounds its not enough.ibstop self harming when i was 14 , i started again 2 weeks after moving into my parents house.im currently in therapy to combat the abuse i had at home when i was a kid.my parents are much healthier now but they seem to be my triggers.i just dont know what to do.i need joy from somewhere.im trying to look after me but its been impacted by all these past events.any advice would be welcomed,when death seems the only viable option,you know your life is fucked up.The worst thing my stepdaughter loves me as well and my ex has had trouble seeing her in the past but he doesn't seem to realise the similarity,maybe i didnt give birth to her but ive known her since she was 2,i practically raised her,how to hold her knive and fork.how to count numbers,help her with her homework,doing her hair and sometimes doing her nails ( kid nail polish i might add),taking her to nice restaurants,playing with her all day while my ex ignored her.her confiding in me,telling each other everything,giving her family heirlooms,reading her bedtime stories from my family books.cuddling with her in the night when she was little and in the daytime when she was bigger.her sat on my knee or when i was carrying her on my hip,saving up and taking her places all over the england and wales.i loved her blike my own.i can't leave her,she doesn't want me too but my ex and my parents think it can just be switched off and i can leave her.focusing on me and my wants is what everyone keeps saying.she is the only goid thing in my life right now,someone who loves me unconditionally.literally crying right now but i get it.im a temporary stepmum in my closest families eyes but i want to see her.when did loving a child become so hard.btw her mum has been amazing so i will be seeing her hopefully at her mums if my ex doesnt poison her mind against me.im sorry,i just get so angry when a child gets upset and she is my baby girl .