September 08, 2021


There are so many things I want to update about, but I have so little motivation. 

I feel like I'm running out of time to do stuff that I want to do. Federal unemployment benefits have ended as of September 4th and now I'm in legitimate job search mode. 

I got an interview on Tuesday, September 7th, at a grocery store and I'm not very confident about it. The store manager gave us applicants (there were about 6-7 of us total) a tour of the store and she loved that I was following her right on her heels (my words when describing this to my family and Da were: "she loved that I was right up her ass following her." Lol) 

The interview with the district manager was pretty yikes. I didn't know what to say when he asked me about myself. I had to improvise my answers and I don't think I did it very well. (I also just had to look up the word improvised because I couldn't remember the word at first. I'm so mad that has changed since the last time I used it. Antonyms used to be on the same page for a word as synonyms. I tried looking up "planned" in hopes to find improvised amongst the antonyms.) 

Long story short, I'm pretty sure that one of the other applicants was more qualified for the job than me and I won't be getting it. District manager said I'll hear back within 72 hours. 

Later that day, Da got to witness me cry for the first time. I was stressed and depressed and scared about the uncertainty of the future. Although he tends to be the one that hella worries, he was trying to reassure me and telling me not to worry. Stress and period hormones just kind of combined and I couldn't help but cry. He's lucky I didn't ugly cry though. 

Just looked at my last entry and I haven't posted since August. Yikes. 

To update that entry:

My sister, C, was forced to stay in the hospital for several days. They did another biopsy but they still don't know what's wrong with her. They let her leave for the time being but she still has to come back 2-3 times a week for more platelet transfusions.

Da and I have had sex again since my last post and I didn't bleed afterwards so that's great. 

I did indeed get my new Pokemon tattoo on August 24th. It has been the fucking itchiest tattoo I've gotten out of the 6. It's still just a little flaky but otherwise has healed completely. Resisting scratching it has been awfully hard. 

I'm on my period right now, but it's almost over, and, thank god, it's so much better than it was last time. I still had pretty awful cramps, but I didn't bleed as much. I passed a blood clot about the size of a quarter in the shower Monday night. I dropped my wash cloth and bent over to pick it up when I felt the clot squish out. Bleh. 

My parents, grandma, brother-in-law, and I got our first dose of the covid vaccine today. My sister K was furious. She made some stupid comment about how we will be connected to 5G now or some bullshit. She also refused to wear a mask. It's hilarious that her own husband wears a mask and he got the shot. K left us at the pharmacy while she took her youngest son to the bathroom and then she walked around the store for the rest of the time because she was too mad to be with us. She's so stupid. 

I made a joke to Da saying that my wifi and data signals better improve since I'm connected to the 5G and the joke went straight over his head. He thought that I was talking about my terrible phone provider instead of taking a jab at my sister. After I explained it, he thought it was hilarious.

I'm not looking forward to some things. I need to start calling stores about interviews, like yesterday. As I said before, the uncertainty of the future makes me really anxious and scared.

Da invited me to go bowling and eat at a place I don't like on Saturday as part of a "leaving this job" party. Ehhhh I don't like strangers or people or the place where we will be eating. He said he can take me somewhere else before or after if necessary. 

Sunday is Da's aunt's wedding. I want to be there for Da but ugh social interactions. I will be going, though, unless I happen to get a job in literally the next couple of days and they need me to work that day. That's very unlikely at this point. 

I am looking forward to a couple of things, though. On the 14th, Tuesday, Da has to go to the dentist. I can't go with him because of covid restrictions, but he said he will come see me afterwards. That day is also a year since the day we had sex for the first time and he lost his virginity. 

September 15th is our very first anniversary. 💖

Luckily it's on a Wednesday so he already had that day off, but he would've taken the day off anyway if it were any other weekday. 

(Also, tomorrow, the 9th, is the anniversary of the first time we met in person.)

Da actually gave me one of my anniversary gifts already, on Tuesday. It was an Evolving Skies elite trainer box. There weren't any really notable pulls, but I did get the card Eiscue (047/203) and absolutely fell in love with it. It's so darn cute! I love Eiscue! Da bought 4(?) booster packs for himself and ended up getting a gold Crystal Cave card (230/203) and I begged for it. He let me have it. (Crying emoji) I love him so much. 

Anyway, I can't wait to give Da his gifts. I considered giving one to him on Tuesday but they really should be given at the same time. 

I didn't think this entry would end up being this long, but I guess once I start typing it gets hard to stop. I've always been like that, especially when I used to write creatively in high school. 

I'm exhausted. I should try to sleep, but I know I'll struggle doing so. I didn't sleep well last night either. Hopefully things will look better, and be better.