August 27, 2021

Dear Diary,

Codependency: [part1]

Being raised in a codependent household these are the things it scars you with:

• Fear... Fear of what others may think of you or say about you or to you.
• Anxiety.... You feel anxious constantly and sometimes you don't even know why.
• Approval seeking.
• Lack of self worth.
• Lack of identity.
• Lack of self-esteem.
• Lack of self-control.
• Emotional irregularities and instabilities EG: such as irritability, which include rage, anger and/ or violent behaviour.
• Depression. ( Sometimes suicidal and or intrusive thoughts)
• Self-destructive behaviour including self-sabotage and/or self-harm.
• Lack of trust in self and others. ( Including relationships)
• Eating disorders.
• Coping mechanisms and or self-soothing.
• Addictions.( Substance or other kinds)
• Raw and vulnerable but with sometimes no perception or understanding of it.( Moments of denial or striving to be overly strong in compensation and or feeling victimized/ worthless)
• Domineering and controlling of others out of fear. ( The overwhelming need to be right, be seen and heard)
• Little-to-no communication or listening skills. You were often silenced as a child ( not seen, heard or valued) and lived around emotionally unstable people. 
• Catastophizing past, present or future events.
• You feel responsible for the happiness and or sadness of those around you due to codependent, trauma bonded conditioning.
• Believing that you're inherently "bad", "wrong", "not good enough" etc.
• Traumatic memories and flashbacks.
• Wanting to prove others wrong about you or giving up and giving in and believing insults and criticisms are true and who you are.
• Shame and guilt. ( Due to blame of others and self)
• Being the scapegoat ( by others blame shifting into you or you blaming yourself)