Dear Diary,
I hate it when I just react to something... Like I know I'm meant to respond not just react, I've been working really hard on my responses these past 3 years but I still get caught off guard when I'm triggered by something...
Main triggers:
When the conversations somehow include our parents (between my husband and I)... 🤦🏻♀️ Like how differently we were raised and how both were so toxic but different-toxic at the same time and how within me I just cannot tolerate hearing what would have happened to him as a child if he'd done "XYZ"....
I blow my response and react.. not as bad as I used to in the past but still not good because I'm not responding or better still, would be not responding at all. ❥No response is a response too and often a good one.
I want to be an emotionally stable person... I'm trying. Being a damaged person is sooo hard😓. I need my brain to slow down so that the information coming in has a chance to be processed... Not just reacted to ( sometimes explosively, tho' less often these days)
Training or rather retraining the brain 🧠 is a slow process, we've been conditioned by others our whole lives and now taking back that control of our own brains, bodies and minds is in our hands.... It's how we break those cycles we have been subjected to.... ||
So many things that happened should never have happened, growing up... But it's too late now.. Can't go back, can only move forward working on myself... Striving for change. To be different from my past and different from how I was raised and conditioned by damaged people.
It's true when they say hurt people, hurt people.... It's 100% true.
I might write more on this topic at a later time....